Reflection IV
Introduction
On May 10th, NOTUS published a report including 19 women who spoke out against sexual harassment in the Human Rights World. Out of the 19 women who shared their experience with predator-like behaviour, only two spoke publicly, including me. In this post, I would like to talk about the things surrounding this news, such as what happened before, during and after speaking out against the inappropriate sexual advances made by Dolkun Isa, the president of the World Uyghur Congress. There are moments when I still reflect on the intense negative emotions that I felt during this period, but I am definitely in a better place now. Thus, it is a good time to share some things with a clearer mind about the whole experience instead of bits here and there in interviews.
This post includes sensitive opinions. It also includes details about mental and physical health.
The start of my activism for the Uyghur cause
In the academic year of 2018-2019, I started to study at the film school LUCA Narafi, for which I had to shoot a documentary and a short film. For my documentary, I wanted to spread awareness about the Uyghurs, so I asked my childhood friend, who was Uzbek, whether he knew any Uyghurs in Belgium. Thanks to him, I could contact Abdullam Imerov, the ex-president of the Uyghurs in Belgium. He found a Uyghur woman who wanted to share her story, Reyhan Gül, who I met in January 2019 together with Abdullam Imerov. It was a warm meeting where Reyhan Gül welcomed us with sweet green tea. After getting to know each other and agreeing on different dates for the start of our shooting, I asked Abdullam Imerov if I could join events or protests that they would organize for the awareness of the Uyghur cause. He was very open to receiving support and I was very glad to do something for the Uyghurs. As I grew up in a Turkish household, Uyghurs mean a lot to us. "There are Turks that are oppressed, far, far away." I would hear on the news, from my grand-parents, ... It is almost in our subconsciousness.
The shooting of the documentary lasted for months, but right after the first shooting, I was already in touch with Abdullam Imerov for protests and events for the Uyghur cause. I started to be part of the Uyghur cause in February 2019 when I took photos and videos during a protest in the city centre of Brussels (see PDF file for my contribution to the Uyghur cause, which I had to prepare to try to 'prove' I was not a Chinese spy). I realized during this time that the Uyghurs in Belgium were not making much use of social media platforms under a specific name to attract more people and attention to events and protests, which is the reason why I was very motivated to propose the idea of opening accounts on different social media platforms with a specific organizational name so that we could post the pictures and videos online somewhere.
After thinking for a while, I proposed the name 'Belgian Uyghur Association', which was the direct translation of the Uyghur association in Belgium that was mostly active on WhatsApp groups and between Uyghurs only. These already existing groups would stay unchanged of course, but I presented to have this change of name for social media accounts. This way it would have more potential for non-Uyghurs to join and support the events & protest through social media campaigns. The Uyghur cause in Belgium could flourish even more productively with this small but crucial step in a time where social media dominates the outcome of certain projects. You can see the name of the organization appear at the end of my documentary about Reyhan Gül. I put it to receive even more support and attention to this page I was contributing back then, together with other Uyghur activists in Belgium. After internally discussing with other Uyghurs, the Belgian Uyghur activists decided on a small adaptation for the organizational name that became 'Belgium Uyghur Association', instead of 'Belgian Uyghur Association.' If you'd like to show support for the Uyghur cause in Belgium, you can find the pages of the Belgium Uyghur Association on platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and X.
2020-2021
In 2020-2021, even though I dropped out of film school and started to study Philosophy, I kept volunteering to take photos and videos from time to time at the events organized by the Belgium Uyghur Association. I also began to put more effort into creating awareness campaigns on my personal social media account that would spread on a larger scale compared to news headlines that were not inviting the reader/public to take action themselves. Instead, I wanted to invite the public to actively reflect on themselves and their shopping habits by making them face the harsh reality of how Uyghurs are a big part of the Fast Fashion industry. Now, the Uyghurs were not only suffering under the Chinese Communist regime far, far away, but rather, their pain was in the clothes that we were wearing, on the machines that we were using, and the products we were putting on our skin (see PDF file for my awareness campaigns). Now, we were not reading about their pain passively, but we could actively change our shopping habits after realizing most of the products coming from China were made by forced Uyghur labour. Together with many other projects from many other activists, the pressure altogether worked and China started to label their products as 'Made in P.R.C.' (People's Republic of China) instead of the typical label of 'Made in China'. To this day, a lot of people who think they avoid the Chinese market, are probably buying goods produced in China because of this manipulative label. Next to these awareness projects that I realized, my other awareness photoshoots might also be very familiar to some Uyghurs, as they were spread largely. You can check them out in the PDF file.
My way of approaching the Uyghur cause naturally also attracted known Uyghur activists. Back then, I didn't know a lot of Uyghur activists in the cause. I knew mostly my team from Belgium and the 'face' of the Uyghur cause, which is Dolkun Isa.
Difference between flirting and a pervert approach
Before clarifying Dolkun Isa's pervert approaches, I would like to silence the people who were defending his acts by telling me I couldn't make the difference between a flirt and a pervert approach. Dolkun Isa wasn't the only man who was interested in approaching me. The difference between him and other men who respectfully clarified they had sweet intentions in asking me out, is that they knew when to stop after I declined their requests. Other differences are that these men were not double my age, they were not doing their approach behind the back of another woman they had in their life, they were not jumpy, disrespectful and forcing with their words or approach and they did not disrespect me by making me feel like I was being approached out of boredom. Oh, and they also wouldn't tell me to stay silent after I declined their requests, because there was nothing to be ashamed of. The intention of not making such a remark is one of the many reasons that mattered to me to feel respected. So, thank you for trying to gaslight me but I'm too aware of these kinds of tactics.
February 2021
The day the Parliament of Canada recognized the Uyghur genocide in February 2021 was one of the biggest milestones the Uyghur cause had realized in advocating their basic human rights that were oppressed by the Chinese Communist Party and Xi Jinping. I sincerely wanted to congratulate Dolkun Isa and sent him a congratulations message on LinkedIn, of which I have screenshots, but it backfired as he jumped back with "I'm so happy, I would kiss you.", and even if I clarified I was not reciprocating his intentions, he said, "I would kiss you without letting you go.".
At that point, I said "You must be very happy." to which he insisted "Yes, I would be happy if you kissed me back.". I was 22 and he was 53.
The conversation ended somehow with my efforts to change the subject of the discussion and leave it. As his social media accounts were often hacked, I was worried these messages would be in the hands of the wrong person so I deleted the messages and deleted my old LinkedIn account, which had over 400 connections and I was happy I would soon reach the +500 connections sign. It doesn't matter now.
Unfortunately, the next month, in March 2021, he continued to send me sexually inappropriate approaches on Instagram. This time I was not going to delete my Instagram account of course, but the reason why I also didn't immediately block him there is because he is the president of the cause I was advocating for. At first, I kind of preferred to be out of sight, but this time my patience was running out so the best thing I could do was to answer him with clearer words instead of just saying 'no'.
This part is about his messages which I do not have screenshots from. So, the next month, Dolkun Isa invited me to meet in a German city that is close to Belgium because he is in Munich, which is on the other side of the country. He said we could meet in a hotel for a couple of days and spend time together, while he would help me relax. I declined his request to meet alone and do this kind of activity with him. Can you guess what he would have done if I was dumb enough against his manipulations? From this part on, I have the proof of screenshots. After a while, he would text me again, on a night when he would return from Vienna to his home and ask "How are you? Are you sleeping?". I remember that night thinking that this time I had to clarify things to him very well. Declining the meetings he was proposing was not enough for him to understand I was not going to be his next puppy. It was also starting to feel very off to receive messages this late at night. After again proposing to meet, I confronted him with "If I meet you, I would like to let my team of the Belgium Uyghur Association know.", an answer he didn't like. "No! Your friends don't have to know.", he said."Why would I meet with you if we are not going to discuss projects together with my team?" I continued, insinuating meeting for a project also means we wouldn't meet alone. He kind of got scared that I would tell anyone we had "these kinds of discussions", as he would call them, so he wrapped the whole thing up as "Professionals can have secrets and business with their close friends. Only they should know.", putting an end himself to his unrequited perverted approaches.
Something I find unusual in all of his inappropriate messages is how comfortably he repeatedly makes me uneasy, even though he knows I am not interested in meeting alone with him. My instinct told me I was not the only woman. At that time, I knew there were issues inside the Uyghur community, like any other community, but I hadn't heard any inappropriate sexual approaches or sexual harassment cases. It is the reason I couldn't open up to anyone in the cause about their president. It was overwhelming how ashamed I felt to even start talking about it. But deep inside I knew there must be a young woman who made him feel so comfortable to inappropriately approach other young women, that he must think it should be easy to do so for all of them, which made him believe there isn’t a single young woman out there who has some self-respect.
After the messages between February 2021 and March 2021, I might have unfollowed him. I do not remember. Nothing happened until I was invited by Rushan Abbas that year to the advocacy program of Campaign For Uyghurs in Berlin, where I had the opportunity to meet her for the first time.
October 2021
On October 15th, I took a flight to Berlin. I was very proud of myself for being invited to an advocacy program by a prominent activist in the Uyghur cause, Rushan Abbas. I was also expecting to meet other important people in the Uyghur cause, but I was not expecting to see Dolkun Isa even though the program was in Germany. I remember it to be an advocacy program for young Uyghurs and other young activists in the cause, organized by Campaign For Uyghurs. In the afternoon of the first day, after briefly meeting with some prominent names such as Rushan Abbas, Abdulhakim Idris, Mukerrem Kurban, Kelbinur Siddik and Julie Millsap, and other faces I recognized but didn't know their names, we all gathered at the open space in front of the hotel where the advocacy program took place. There were different stands where the Uyghur genocide was explained and shown to the public. The group of young Uyghurs from Germany knew each other, so they all hung out together. I was shy and didn't have the opportunity to discuss with them yet, which is the reason why I hung around the stands with Mukerrem Kurban, Julie Millsap and Kelbinur Siddik.
There was a moment when I found myself in the middle with random people coming in and going away. At that moment I saw Dolkun Isa arriving with Abdulhakim Idris and looking around. Dolkun Isa looked normal, but he was a bit tense for seeing me and we exchanged a small discussion in front of everyone such as 'hello', and 'welcome'. That is all. After NOTUS published the report about sexual harassment in the Human Rights World, a lot of people accused me of performing a 'show' because of pictures of me around Dolkun Isa in Berlin and group pictures in that spot in front of the hotel, with me not so far away from Dolkun Isa, that were spread in Uyghur Whatsapp groups, Facebook and on X (see one of these pictures when I talk about Meryem Sultan's statement).
"Why did you go to Berlin if Dolkun Isa sexually harassed you?"
"It looks like you wanted to see him."
"Why are you not distancing yourself from him if he is so disturbing to you?"
"Liar."
"Someone wants attention."
I did not know Dolkun Isa was going to be in Berlin. Even so, after seeing him, I was not going to jump 10 meters far away and draw attention to this when other people came there for a sincere purpose as I did. You can keep your inhumane excuses for yourself. I know that I behaved as any human being should behave. "Keep it calm and don't cause a scene. You are here for another purpose.", I told myself.
Later that day, when it was time to eat, Rushan Abbas probably saw that I still wasn't socialized and integrated into the friend groups with other Uyghur youngsters, so she invited me to eat at her table. After sitting next to her, I do not remember anymore who else filled the table, but I am guessing Abdulhakim Idris was also there. All I remember clearly was that there was one spot empty in front of me, to which Dolkun Isa sat. This was not intentional of him, because it was natural for him to sit at the table with Rushan Abbas and Abdulhakim Idris. The only spot left happened to be the seat in front of me. He was very tense and could barely hold eye contact with me. I am guessing he felt the pressure to engage in a small discussion with me. "Welcome to the advocacy program. Good luck. Yes."
It would have been very weird if he didn't speak to me at all. That would have made it very obvious that there was something wrong between us. I am someone who doesn’t have a problem holding eye contact with people. At that moment, I admit I was observing him just to make him even more uncomfortable. Looking at him I felt he was very uncomfortable. I realized how weak of a person he was. A scared man that only speaks like a 'big boy' behind the screen. After we finished eating, I was glad I didn't see him again anymore.
That day, or one of these days in Berlin, I also saw Zumretay Erkin for the first time in real life. I was very surprised and happy to see her. As a woman myself, who advocates for Uyghur Human Rights, I expected to have at least a small discussion with a brilliant women's rights activist like her. When she saw me, she was very distant, and I told myself it must have been because she was very busy and concentrated. I still found it weird, but I let it slide. I guess we don't owe each other something, even though I believe we could have a nice chat now that we saw each other in real life and sat close to each other in the same room. This was my thought about her until she participated in Dolkun Isa's intimidation tactics against me in March 2024, together with Omer Kanat, before the NOTUS report was published. Then, I realized my instinct about her not-so-friendly side was real. I was the one who chose to manipulate myself into believing she was an incredible woman who was just too busy to say 'hi' properly. I still appreciate her hard work in advocating women's rights and Uyghur's awareness in general. It is just my opinion: she can’t be a genuine feminist.
Sexual harassment has different types, but what it doesn't have is nationality. Advocating for women is the work of a sincere heart, not that of someone who becomes the puppet of a pervert man to intimidate the woman he once harassed, just because he has the same nationality as her. I know that Zumretay Erkin contributed to important projects, but throughout this period, she proved that she was a fake feminist who intimidated a woman who wanted to be anonymous, just as Rushan Abbas contributed to many projects and her organization was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, but she is a fake feminist who stayed silent. Mukerrem Kurban is a hard worker, but she is a fake feminist who chose to keep supporting Dolkun Isa when he had to step down and allow an independent investigation but kept manipulating the Uyghur community with lies, and they all knew it. Kelbinur Siddik is an incredible woman and a survivor of concentration camps, but she is a fake feminist who supported Meryem Sultan’s post where she did me dirty from A to Z for speaking out against sexual harassment.
There is more to come about Kelbinur Siddik in this post. As for Rahima Mahmut, even though she is an incredible singer, she is a fake feminist, who overly praises Dolkun Isa for the smallest breadcrumbs he decided to do during this period. Meryem Sultan, I honestly don’t know what her contribution is to the cause, which is my lack of interest in knowing about her, but she is a fake feminist. She published and started a negative campaign against the victims who spoke out, thus Julie Millsap and me. First picture is her original post, and the second picture is the English translation (thanks to the efforts of Eastern Turki).
Original statement in Uyghur:
Translated statement in English:
This woman is very delusional to call me a fake feminist. I am sure I can teach her how to be a feminist. Rule number one: listening to women. She implied we were spies and everyone should have been more cautious when they ‘welcomed us in the cause’. Another negative campaign was shared by Abduweli Eyup, but I talk about him later in this post. These so-called feminists supported the negative campaign and the hate against the victims. I will also never forget how lovely and kind Kelbinur Siddik was with me when I saw her in programs before the NOTUS report. But now all these beautiful memories are dominated by her support for something I and Julie Millsap didn’t deserve. The beautiful memories with Kelbinur Siddik are also washed out by one particular situation that breaks my heart every time I remember it.
On May 16th, almost a week after the NOTUS report, there was an event organized in the city of Liège, Belgium by Samuel Cogolati. I went to the train station of Liège to welcome Dilnur Reyhan and Gulbahar Jalilova. I was very happy to see them. I thanked Dilnur Reyhan in real too, for showing her support on the day the article came out without doubting our stories. On our way to the hotel where the event was going to take place, Dilnur invited me to stay for the event but I was not in the right mind to sit in a public place after being cancelled, especially if there were Uyghurs and I didn’t know whether they didn’t want to see me or were fine with me taking place next to them. I just didn’t want to take the risk to face any negativity. When we arrived at the hotel, I saw my old team member, who ended his friendship with me for speaking out to the media, and I saw Kelbinur Siddik. He was there to help her translate her message during the event. When Kelbinur Siddik saw me, she said “Aaa…” and was disappointed and shocked to see me. She turned towards my old team member with a look that said "What is she doing here?". My old team member was also very tense for seeing me. Words can’t express how this situation, which might have lasted for 2-3 seconds, affected me. These people that I saw throughout the years with whom I was close, are now treating me as if I was their enemy. Two disgusted looks from two people I had a genuine friendship with and I already started to feel weak again. I have been a smoker for a long time. Smokers have the habit of lighting a cigarette, not remembering the taste of smoking every time they smoke. But there are moments where the taste of the cigarette is a memory instead of the act of smoking itself. That day, after dropping Dilnur Reyhan and Gulbahar Jalilova at the hotel, when I was waiting for my train at the station of Liège to return to Brussels, I remember the taste of my cigarette. I was very sad. On top of the headache that the online hate was causing me, I felt that this small physical encounter was going to be destructive for my mental and physical health in the coming days. I did not know I was such a sensitive woman.
Some occasions with Kelbinur Siddik: (pictures: Kerim Gün & Arthur Van Belleghem)
In the case of Kelbinur Siddik, unfortunately, you can not be a feminist and advocate for Uyghur women's human rights while supporting the negative campaign against women who dare to speak out against the sexual harassment done by Uyghur men. I am not including the number of men who supported Dolkun Isa during this period. That part is not shocking to me, considering the male nature that likes to worship men in power by constantly cancelling out their bad behaviour. They shower their thoughts about Dolkun Isa with the nice memories they had with him as if it deleted the fact that he had made inappropriate sexual advances to the young woman I was at the age of 22, and many other women. Even though all humans have good traits here and there, people are not going to like it if I give examples about the worst men history has known and the good things they did. It’s a toxic and emotional way of thinking about finding a solution. This case will never be solved if people don’t stop being emotional about Dolkun Isa. Maybe it would have been advantageous for the health of the Uyghur cause if people were emotional about the victims. One prominent Uyghur activist and poet who was emotional about the wrong person was Abduweli Eyup. He wrote a whole post about the beautiful and incredible memories he had with his hero, Dolkun Isa, and the unique man that he is.
The original statement in Uyghur:
The English translation:
After time passed, Abduweli Eyup finally woke up from his fantasies and reached out to me in private to apologize to me. He said he was the one who advised Dolkun Isa to allow an investigation or to step down until things were proven right, I do not remember which one it was, but he came to the point of trying to have my sympathy. I appreciated the fact that he apologized, but I did not accept his apologies unless he would do so publicly, just as he started a negative campaign publicly. He said he wouldn't apologize publicly, and so the conversation ended there by also proving to me what type of man he was: a sensitive ego like the man he admires so much.
Back to Berlin: day two, 16 October 2021
On the 16th of October, Abdulhakim Idris gifted me a book he wrote, 'Kizil Kiyamet'. He also left a beautiful note on the first page, which will always be a nice memory. It was a very sincere moment and I couldn't have been happier to be gifted a book by him. Sadly, he also stayed silent when NOTUS published the report, and because my trust has been broken deeply throughout this process, maybe he was also supporting the negative campaign, I don't know. It's unfortunate that most of my nice memories with important activists like him will have a sour memory on top of them. It still won't change the fact that his gift, the book he wrote, will have a special memory with me.
Throughout the day on 16 October, we also had some group projects and discussions where I could finally meet other young Uyghurs who were also invited. When we asked about each other's age, we realized we were all around the same age. When it came to my turn, I smiled and said I would turn 23 years old that night. I decided that for once I could enter a new age far away from family and friends with the memory of becoming one year older while advocating for the Uyghur cause, without expecting a special occasion because the special occasion itself was entering my 23th birthday in the middle of my devotion for the Uyghur cause. We worked together on projects and hung out together during the day, and I met two other Turkish friends among the people who were invited. It made me happy to see other young Turkish people who were actively advocating for Uyghurs. At night, I was in my hotel room looking out the window and seeing the beautiful view of the city. The new friends I met that day invited me to their room and we started to play some games. It was very fun and cosy to sit together with them. Just when the time hit 00:00, they all started to sing a happy birthday to me. I was very happy and will never forget this cute memory of Berlin. This is a small side note that has a big importance on how I became 23 years old.
Why did I talk about the sexual harassment with a journalist, and not with a Uyghur woman?
After meeting Rushan Abbas for the first time in Berlin, and then the second time in Den Haag for another advocacy program with the same friends I met in Berlin, I started to think of the idea that I might open up about Dolkun Isa to her. I believed that someone in the cause had to know about this. I could not fathom the idea that another (young) woman could face something like that, especially if she might have difficulties in saying 'no' to a man in power who's manipulative. Sadly, I could not open to Rushan Abbas in Den Haag either. Still, I was decisive that I wanted to speak to her, which is the reason why I reached out to her multiple times asking her when she'd be in Europe, close to one of the countries surrounding Belgium. I thought I could go to Netherlands, Germany or France just to meet with her, but it unfortunately didn't happen. I believe she was once in Paris, but my program did not match hers and I stopped forcing. I thought there would be another time when we could naturally see each other at one of the events she would invite me to.
I had clarified to her on WhatsApp that I wanted to talk face-to-face with her about a subject that I could not open up on the phone. Someone like her who knows the dirty secrets of men inside the Uyghur community, must have known I was going to talk about a story she already knows. I think after that moment she avoided me because she was going to invite me to an event soon, but ended up inviting my team from the Belgium Uyghur Association, except me. It was an event during summer where Uyghur activists around the world gathered, but I do not remember where and when it was. It doesn't matter now anymore. I'm glad I didn't open up to Rushan Abbas now that I know she chose to stay silent after I spoke out. I would only regret telling her about the inappropriate things Dolkun Isa said to me. Maybe she would have told me to stay silent to my face anyway.
Having said that, the ones who call me out for bringing down the Uyghur cause for taking this serious issue to the media, lack the capacity to process information and being able to understand and guess why we may have ended up choosing the media to put pressure for real and healthy change. They must sleep on the fact that I am only the top of the iceberg and such a step was needed to be taken to shake powerful men's golden seats. If one day some Uyghur women dare to speak out against the sexual harassment they endured by some Uyghur men, you will not find me to present your apologies for doubting my intentions and blocking the way of other women to come forward. I may not deserve your sympathy because I'm a non-Uyghur woman who speaks out against the president of the Uyghurs, Dolkun Isa, but I was a young and sincere activist in the Uyghur cause and that should have been enough.
2023
On a very random night, I coincidentally learned that I was not the only woman who experienced inappropriate sexual approaches in the circle of activists of the Uyghur cause. After eventually quitting activism and focusing on my studies, I could not just receive this information and do nothing about it. I was curious about what some prominent Uyghur women were doing against these issues that were clearly repeating themselves because of a lack of active solutions to the problem. The answer I got for that curiosity was one that, somewhere inside of me, I wished not to know. These problems were silenced by women too. Now that most of them supported Dolkun Isa and tried to silence the victims, it was the best confirmation I could get for the fact that they were really silencing the women. These women only make it harder for their own people. Now, Uyghur women know they can not rely on these women if they also experience such things. Now, Uyghur women know they will be cancelled just as I did for speaking out. That’s bad. They could turn this opportunity into an advantage for their own people, but they were just too blinded by seeing me as an enemy for daring to disrupt the unhealthy power relations inside the Uyghur cause. After many discussions with other women, we finally decided to use external sources to put pressure for real for progressive action to be taken against sexual harassment in the Uyghur cause, which hadn't happened before. Now it was clear why these men were so comfortable disrespecting women: the women's bad experiences were silenced collectively by all of them.
From anonymous to public
The only woman who was going to speak out publicly on the NOTUS report was Julie Millsap. The 18 other women, including me, were all going to share our experiences anonymously. Since the beginning, I have also decided to stay anonymous in such a way that I communicated with the journalist to hide some details that were crucial for people in the Uyghur cause not to recognize me. After months, while the reporter was doing her research, my thoughts started to have some different preferences when it came to the purpose of the article, instead of putting my feelings and worries first. When I thought about the fact that these men in power could brush off such a report as a ‘Chinese project' or even blame the only publicly speaking woman, Julie Millsap, as a 'spy', I started to realize it would benefit our purpose if only one more woman could come forward publicly. There hasn't been a big change in this thought until mid-March 2024.
March 2024
At the beginning of March 2024, the journalist told me she communicated my anonymous experience with Dolkun Isa to get his response. She said she hadn't received an answer yet and that she would keep me updated. She didn't hear a thing from Dolkun Isa after that.
(Important information for this next part: it had been over a year and a half that I was not active in the Uyghur cause) On the 12th of March 2024, Zumretay Erkin sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Two days later, on the 14th of March 2024, Omer Kanat sent me a friend request on LinkedIn.
Instead of calling this approach a 'coincidence', I invite you to reflect on the situation with a broader look by also considering some details that I just provided. My answer is as follows:
Dolkun Isa immediately recognized the anonymous experience of the person that the journalist communicated with him
Respect is something he lacks in general, thus also in this case: instead of keeping my anonymity even though he recognized me, he told it to people including Zumretay Erkin and Omer Kanat
For whatever reason, they added me on LinkedIn to show off and intimidate me by making it clear they 'know' the anonymous woman is me
I don't care about Dolkun Isa's repeated disrespect towards me and the man called Omer Kanat, but Zumretay Erkin's approach just made my jaw drop. I will not add more opinions about her, she's a mysterious figure at this point for who I lost all my respect. Even if Dolkun Isa told her about me, she should not have pointed out she knew I was the anonymous woman. The way these three people had the audacity to poke my eyes that they knew I was the anonymous woman still shocks me. At the end of the day, I want to thank Zumretay Erkin and Omer Kanat for obeying their master and stressing me out. Thanks to their childish but intimidating teamwork, I decided to be that +1 woman who should speak out publicly. I thought to myself, if Dolkun Isa recognized me and told Zumretay Erkin and Omer Kanat about the 'anonymous woman' that was Esma Gün, I had nothing to lose. I was not going to give these three people the power and exclusivity to know I was that anonymous woman. If they knew it, better for the whole world to know it.
It sounds like I decided to speak publicly very easily, but it was a hard pill to swallow. I thought to myself that I was going to lose many things, such as friendships, team members and anonymity, which is an aspect humans hold onto to have control of their life, their self-image and identity. I had to accept the fact that a big part of my life on many levels as a person called Esma Gün, was not going to be the same anymore starting from May 10th, 2024. I knew I would be seen as a spy who broke the Uyghurs' trust in the cause, or 'brought down' the World Uyghur Congress. Still, I accepted to be seen as such instead of staying silent.
I am not dramatizing my experience with Dolkun Isa, even though all the disrespect is there, but the focus here is the fact that I give away something of myself to the public eye only to be the voice of the voiceless and disturb the comfort of men in power for the peace of future female activists and women in general, in the Uyghur cause. Only one week before the NOTUS report was published did I decide to be the second woman who speak out publicly.
10th May 2024 & after
Concerning my health
The day that NOTUS published the report of women being harassed in the Human Rights World, I closed all notifications on my phone and tried to stay away from social media for about two days, even though it was hard. The second night, I decided to peep a little bit between all my notifications. It was midnight, and I became dizzy and started to tremble a little bit. The stress all around my body all the time lasted for a couple of months. Because I didn't want the article to include screenshots and didn't satisfy the public who urged me to share screenshots to be able to 'believe' in my story, there was immense pressure from everyone to constantly prove myself against allegations. On the second day, my old team member said I should share the screenshots with him so that he would really believe that it was 'sexual harassment'. He thought the article was being dramatic for calling Dolkun Isa's acts 'sexual harassment'. I didn't want to share anything on the phone because I feared it would spread, so he proposed we should meet face to face so that he could look at the screenshots and, I guess, give me a speech of victim blaming. One or two days later I said I don't feel good about the idea and don't feel well in general to do it. Instead of showing support for speaking out, he wanted to double-check things and it made me feel even worse. I said I didn't want to meet. He shared his thoughts with an approach of victim blaming, saying there were many other options rather than choosing the media, like speaking to Mukerrem Kurban when I saw her in Berlin or Den Haag. I also 'chose' my side, apparently, and 'done is done, goodbye Esma', he added.
As my body was in a constant state of stress, the loss of a close Uyghur friend who knew me best, but who also was my old team member who ended our friendship only made my mental and physical health worse during the first days after the NOTUS report was published. In situations where I know I can say a lot to defend myself but somehow choose not to do so, to not make things worse, I get sick from my throat. It's like a symbolic reaction from my body every time I keep words in my throat and don't speak them out in these kinds of very important situations. Thus, my body didn't discriminate in this period either. After I saw the amount of negativity online, the negative campaigns against the victims, and then my old team member who ended his friendship with me, the little strength that I mentally tried to have, disappeared. My throat started to hurt and my muscles were so tense that I started to have difficulties eating and drinking. It was as if my body was rejecting and closing itself because of the intense sadness that I was feeling. Next to the panic attacks that were caused in this period, swallowing anything became so hard that every time I would swallow my saliva, which we usually do so much throughout the day unconsciously, I had to bow my head and press on my chest because of the pain it caused me every time. Trying to eat and drink was only getting worse. According to the body mass index I had a 'normal' body mass. After two to three days, because I could barely eat, my stomach crumbled in very fast and the belly I barely had was already gone. I went to the hospital and received antibiotics because I apparently had a throat infection. Either my drop in mental health caused my physical health to weaken and make it easier to catch infections, or I naturally caught a throat infection coincidentally during this hard period. I also received painkillers that helped me start to drink properly and eat creamy and soft things that I could swallow easily.
After about two weeks, when the box of antibiotics and painkillers were finished and their effectiveness diminished, the pain started to come back. On the 23rd of May, I woke up very early in the morning and had a panic attack, where my breathing was so fast that I was almost going to faint because of the lack of enough oxygen in my body. My right arm started to turn purple and I was losing control of my right hand. My hand muscles were making my fingers close to the inside of my palm and my hand was facing downwards. My right hand was paralyzed for a couple of minutes until I started to breathe back properly. I wanted to drink water but this time, because the infection didn't take a couple of days to manifest itself but was already there, I couldn't swallow again. I was already weak and knew this wasn't looking good. We called the ambulance and when it came, they measured my parameters. I had a fever of 40° Celsius, and this surprised the paramedics who immediately held me by my arm and directed me to the ambulance car. The paramedics asked me what and when I had eaten the last time, but I couldn't remember it. I started to cry in the ambulance. And then I remembered the past days, the betrayal of the people I trusted, the discrimination, the hate, the looks and the negative campaign. I was in a very bad place mentally and physically. They both just worsened each other.
Arrived at the hospital, they carried out different tests such as blood tests, a throat and chest scan, and checking my lungs, ... After waiting for a couple of hours, the same doctor who treated me a couple of weeks ago arrived at my bed and said they decided that I had to be hospitalized. It was almost 4 PM and it was the first time in weeks that I could live in a bit of silence because my condition didn’t allow me to check my phone. I was left without the noise of people's opinions and my fight to constantly prove I was not a Chinese spy. It was also the first time in my life that I felt this sick, where my body was not properly fighting back for an infection in my throat, that lasted for almost three weeks. I always thought I had strong physical health, except on certain days with migraines. The sudden drop in my mental health was affecting my physical health a lot. I went from the entrance of the hospital where urgent patients were treated to the room where I was going to stay. I received strong painkillers as serums that helped numb my throat pain a little bit. The only thing I wanted to do was to be able to sleep. My body was so tired that satisfying my hunger was not even on the to-do list. After being able to sleep for a couple of hours, I woke up with the realization that swallowing my saliva didn't hurt. I immediately started to drink and eat. Being able to swallow properly was a luxury after weeks of not being able to do so.
After recovering slowly in the coming days, the doctor gave me a document with 10 days of leave for school. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the luxury to use these 10 days for absence at school because there are projects at the university you just can not miss out on and try again. I still tried while being very sick. I also felt a change in my body and wanted to weigh myself. I was shocked to realize that I had lost 6 kilos in less than a month. Now I was on the limits of having a normal body weight. While slowly recovering, I tried my best to eat well but also snack as much as I could tolerate. Unfortunately, I still couldn't manage to gain back the weight. I still struggle with a loss of appetite until I realize and feel hungry and eat properly once a day, sometimes twice a day. Back then, my physical health was recovering, but I had lost the notion of time in May 2024 because the events one after the other affected me, and I didn't realize exams were coming very soon. Out of the many exams that I had, I had done only two, out of which I passed for only one exam. I needed so much vacation but I also failed so many exams that I had to use every day to be able to pass all of them in the exam session of August and September. The months of June, July, August and the beginning of September passed with studying for so many exams that it made me very depressed and burned out.
Concerning the games of Dolkun Isa and his fanatics
After the NOTUS report, the following days were silent regarding a response from Dolkun Isa. After two days, on the 12th of May, he published an apology on X with such eloquent English that the Uyghur community couldn't even get a proper translation. But that had a purpose, because the more I avoided sharing the screenshots of his inappropriate messages in interviews with news agencies, or with Arslan Hidayat or my own posts, the more his ego came forward and chose to be the one who plays games. He brought forward another message for his Uyghur community, one that was very different from his English apology on X.
Together with Alim Seytoff, Dolkun Isa gave an interview on Radio Free Asia where he said the apology on X was done only on behalf of his purpose as a leader of the Uyghurs, which is to 'calm things down even though they are false'. He then continued to claim that he didn't know me and didn't remember the messages. If 'such' conversations took place, then we should look deeper at how they started, he said, implying I must be the one who lured him into sending inappropriate texts. The interview continues with Alim Seytoff asking questions about Dolkun Isa's heroic acts and activism throughout the years and his battle against China. Here, Dolkun Isa said how China is trying to bring him down and use tactics against him to hurt the Uyghur cause continuously. These conversations implied the NOTUS report to be a Chinese project and the public victims who came forward, thus me and Julie Millsap, to be doubted as spies.
I was very stubborn to not share the screenshots of the message that Dolkun Isa sent me on LinkedIn and Instagram. After I learned about his Uyghur interview on Radio Free Asia with Alim Seytoff, where he also said he called the people from the Belgium Uyghur Association after the NOTUS report to ask who I was because he didn't know me, I was very furious and fed up with his games. It was another hard pill to swallow but I decided to share the screenshots. Both from his messages on LinkedIn and Instagram. This backfired a lot to the point where the RFA interview had to be deleted for it being very manipulative and full of lies & victim blaming. RFA wanted to correct this issue by giving me space to express myself, which I did in this interview. Dolkun Isa also asked why I went to meet Uyghur friends in Istanbul who invited me to eat at their Uyghur restaurant, if I thought he harassed me. Does anyone understand what Dolkun Isa is saying here? Did I have to ask Dolkun Isa to eat at a Uyghur restaurant with Uyghur friends, who invited me when they heard I was in Istanbul for vacation (see picture of me at the round table with my brother and three Uyghur men)? I'm very curious how a man who lacks rational thinking and a lack of decent ability to argue could become a president of such a serious cause.
In between the periods, Dolkun Isa also made on-and-off manipulative press release videos on the page/channel of the World Uyghur Congress. In one of them, many members would praise and support him, in another one they would all confirm having chosen Dolkun Isa to stay as the president of the World Uyghur Congress, instead of stepping down and allowing an independent investigation, as any professional organization should. In one of these videos, some Uyghur men would confirm that their 'internal decision' (probably not more than two men gossiping) was to conclude that the NOTUS report was a Chinese project.
During this period, Dolkun Isa not only showed how the World Uyghur Congress lacked professional independence, but they also proved they were far from being a professional organization. In fact, day by day, they showed us how the World Uyghur Congress had become the playground of a manipulative and emotional man (he probably only feels anger and fear as emotions), but who also probably got so much support because of power-related connections for him to keep staying president after many allegations towards his inappropriate sexual advances. Only so many people who were threatened with power-related relations, but who also hid each other's business-related secrets, could allow a man like him to stay in power while he should be held accountable for his inappropriate acts. Another possible answer is that these people love Dolkun Isa so much as if he's some sort of hero who is above their purpose of seeking justice, that it's impossible to separate feelings from work, as much as it's hard for them to separate the Uyghur cause with Dolkun Isa. I know it sounds like a traumatic bond, but I guess it is. As a Belgian & Turkish citizen who also follows Türkiye's politics, I can confirm that whatever happens, there will always be fanatics who will support Erdogan with closed eyes. Some are even ready to sacrifice themselves for him. All around the world, once people fanatically approach other human beings, no reason on earth can make them look at a bad situation involving their hero in an unbiased way. I guess this also happened in the Uyghur community towards Dolkun Isa. Shame on them.
Dolkun Isa also thought that justice-seeking people and activists inside the Uyghur cause would one way or another be tired to keep putting pressure on him and the World Uyghur Congress to take proper action. He probably believed that this situation would fade until people eventually stopped talking about it and he could continue to live his life. That's bad for Dolkun Isa because he also realized that certain of the people he worked with could hold their independent position towards him by not overly praising him, but pressuring him for change. He realized there were healthy and normal people in the Uyghur cause who saw him as 'one' of the people of the Uyghur cause that could easily be replaced, instead of seeing him as the Uyghur cause itself, which is how a lot of Uyghurs see Dolkun Isa and immediately saw the victims of the NOTUS report as enemies of the Uyghur cause for this reason. Later, researchers from around the world who work for the Uyghur cause came together to collect signatures to put pressure on the World Uyghur Congress to properly take action and healthy decisions.
'Independent' 'investigation'
Because of the pressure, after a while, Dolkun Isa 'stepped down’ and allowed an 'independent' ‘investigation’ to take place. It had been weeks and the investigator had not contacted me. It felt very off that she didn't have an approach that communicated with the victim. I don't know how this investigator did an independent investigation by not reaching out to me in the first weeks. Like, what was she investigating? Air? Herself? Towards the end, this investigator followed me on LinkedIn but decided to message me with her Facebook account with the profile picture of a chicken. At first, I was not going to open the message because I thought it was another spam message, but I read her message and realized it was actually the investigator. Why not reach out to me on LinkedIn with a more professional outlook? We are not even friends on Facebook, I might not have seen her message. But for many other reasons, together with Julie Millsap and other women, we decided that this investigation is not as independent and not as professional as it should be. World Uyghur Congress should step up their game for good. At this point, I'm considering what the hype around the World Uyghur Congress really is. These people are just so loose on everything, nothing makes sense when they have to take action seriously. It makes more noise than it does a decent job.
In another press release video of the World Uyghur Congress, Dolkun Isa victimized himself by speaking loudly about how 'we didn't know what democracy is' when we were asking for justice. I responded by saying we should listen to Dolkun Isa so that he could teach us what democracy is because he is the perfect guy to teach it.
Aydinlik & Enver Can
One more thing I would like to add is my interview with Aydinlik, and later Enver Can's interview with Aydinlik. In the middle of the negative campaign that I was facing, which took fire with Abduweli Eyup and Meryem Sultan's cheap opinion and argumentation, a Turkish journalist from Aydinlik reached out to me. I was reaching out to different feminist pages, organisations, and individuals but they were not answering. I used the opportunity of Aydinlik reaching out to me and gave an interview to the journalist who sincerely wanted to share my story, as a Turkish news agency that wanted to be the voice of a Turkish woman who was being attacked in the middle of a negative campaign. I didn't know the information the Uyghurs knew about Aydinlik, so I thought that it was fine until the report was published. Now the fanatics of Dolkun Isa were 'confirming' me to be a spy, because apparently, Aydinlik should have been the last news agency I should have spoken to about an issue regarding the Uyghur cause, 'if I was sincere to the Uyghur cause'. The most important thing is that I needed a voice that would listen to me and share my story, thus I used this opportunity to the fullest.
Recently, Enver Can also spoke to Aydinlik in a face-to-face interview with the same journalist. He has been cancelled for speaking to the news agency that was speaking and writing badly about Uyghurs. In this kind of situation, I focus on the purpose and whether it is a productive act or not. Enver Can speaking to Aydinlik to point out the issues regarding the sexual harassment and Dolkun Isa's death threats towards him for supporting the victims are things someone has to put out there loudly and not only keep on social media. I'm sure Enver Can knew Aydinlik was not the best news agency for the Uyghurs and he also knew he was going to be cancelled for giving an interview to them. At the end of the day, I am sure Enver Can had a purpose. The message he gave away was not one where he betrayed his people, but he was speaking facts to put pressure on Dolkun Isa and the World Uyghur Congress. For the victims of the NOTUS report, this meant a lot to us: it was a formal way of speaking out that would reach people who didn't know about what Dolkun Isa was capable of doing to protect his power. Someone had to do it inside the Uyghur cause, and even though I understand the anger of the Uyghur people, I think we need to look through this situation and admire Enver Can's decision for knowing he would possibly be cancelled by his people only to speak out.
I knew speaking out was going to affect me: I thought I prepared myself for it
The days when I was thinking about speaking to a journalist about my experience with Dolkun Isa, I knew that I was taking a decision that would bring a lot of responsibilities, even though I was going to stay anonymous. The choice of changing my decision and not talking to the journalist was not an option for me at all. Doing so felt like betraying women and myself, thus I kept looking forward. When I decided to speak out publicly with my name, I knew for good that I had made a decision that would divide my life in two: one before May 10th, and one after May 10th. There are other things that separate our lives differently, but I knew this one was going to be major, even before the report was published. I still think about this fact, without a single regret, but rather with contemplations of 'what if some people just tried to understand?', 'what if they put their own trauma of trusting people aside, because 'anybody' could be a spy and look at me like a sincere activist that I was for the Uyghur cause?', 'what if, what if...'
Most of the hate and attacks turned around the fact that I was not a Uyghur woman. The problem with that is that all Uyghurs know there are also Uyghur spies outside East Turkestan who have to give away information to the Chinese state for the sake of the security of their family back in East Turkestan. If we are going to put the focus on proving whether someone is reliable, the truth is: no one is reliable in the Uyghur cause. This is not the case for the Uyghur cause only. No one is reliable in any activism field.
The efforts someone sincerely put for the cause get lost out of sight and everything is crushed to a single memory of me: speaking out against the leader of Uyghurs turned me into someone who took away the trust and motivation of the Uyghur people into believing in the sincerity of their representatives. This is one of the heaviest responses a community in which I tried to be their voice out of sympathy could give me back for speaking out, which is an act that will surely also protect their daughters.
It has been months and things are going slow, Dolkun Isa who victimizes himself keeps victimizing himself and those who believe I am a spy, keep believing I am a spy. I remember how these things affected me in the beginning, but at this point, I do not mind them as much anymore. All I will seek is justice between me and those who did me dirty. I will still support Uyghurs. I know I said this period would not affect my future activism for the Uyghurs, but after months of reflecting, I realized it affected me a lot on many levels, both mentally, physically and socially. I hope one day Uyghurs will be able to realize speaking out was not a political game of mine, but my last contribution to the Uyghur cause: spreading one last awareness, not for the Uyghurs and women in the concentration camps but this time, an awareness for those who are advocating for them in the West, to create a safe environment for women in the Uyghur cause outside East Turkestan. For my own well-being, I decided to close the chapter on activism for good.
“This is why you entered the Uyghur cause! To act like an activist for years, drop the bomb and leave. You just proved that you are a spy!”
It’s almost like I can hear the next story about me. I understand. We all need some sort of entertainment in our lives. And we’re all bad in someone’s story. I’ll let it be.
Thank you
I would especially like to thank Dilnur Reyhan, Tumaris Almas, Hidayat Arslan and Enver Can for taking an unbiased position towards the NOTUS report and the World Uyghur Congress, even though I know that all of you share different opinions about many things. I would like to thank David Tobin, Alicia Hennig, Emily Upson, and all the researchers who signed the researcher statement. Thank you Eastern Turki on X for translating so many things from the Uyghur language into English, it helped me to stay up to date. Thank you to all the Uyghur pages/accounts who spoke out against sexual harassment, and all the Uyghur activists & friends who spoke out against sexual harassment. I would also like to thank those who sent me a supportive message in private. The negative campaign was loud, but the huge support of these people is what kept me going and will keep me going until justice is served.
Thank you for taking the time to read about my experience.
Esma Hazal Gün
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