Reflection VI
A letter to myself, to confirm, repeat and remind myself of what is important. A letter to myself that will also help me process my emotions. And finally, a letter to you, dear reader, to reflect on yourself for the parts where you might recognize yourself in it.
When a relationship reaches its completeness
Humans all have their own way of experiencing a relationship. Some of us think the grass is greener on the other side, but some of us know how rare it is for two people to have a spark and a genuine connection, thus they try their best to keep the people in their life. When times are rough, they leave it up to the human condition where they know that we, as human beings, are chaotically complicated beings, thus they focus on the parts of the relationship where they can meet and feel the other one and keep their connection with them alive. Sometimes, they zoom themselves out of the Earth and visualize this big galaxy we all find ourselves in. And then they zoom out even more and visualize this universe, only to realize and cherish how beautiful and unique, at times even miraculous, their relationships are, with their ups and downs. For these people, the end of a relationship does not signify a loss, as they know they kept their optimism and hard work to keep it moving. The lesson these people have to learn is to know when to stop giving water to a dead flower. On the other side, those who took their relationship for granted can philosophize in their little world, in which they are scared to give place to new people, about the true loss they experience, as they are the ones who have refused to work on themselves and the relationship. They are the ones who also refused to grow by listening to understand, instead of listening to reply. When the path of two people in a relationship, be it friendly, family-related or romantic, has come to a conclusion of diverging from each other after breaking each other's hearts, it will mean an experience that became complete for the one that cherished the connection and worked hard to keep it. They are the ones who rely on the comfort of the efforts they put into keeping the person in their lives, thus regret is not overwhelmingly present for them after they split. They thank the whole experience, cherish the beautiful moments and learn from what will be taken as a lesson, together with the less pleasant emotions that come along from separation. On the other hand, people who prioritize their own little world and the independence they have in it, which they think is in constant danger because of the connection they have with the other person, will resent either themselves or other external reasons for not being able to keep people in their life who loved them. They are the ones who will experience the decision to diverge from the ones they loved as a loss. A relationship that came to separation where two people hold hands for the last time, eat their last meal together, look at each other in the eyes for the last time, and hug each other for the last time, without knowing it would all have been their last time doing it, would be something that is 'over' and that 'ended' for those who took it for granted. They believe they are emotional beings, but are only capable of understanding their own emotions and expect the whole world to understand them too. They confuse being emotional with being human for feeling certain emotions. When the other one thinks they are not an emotional person, this type of lover makes the other one feel like they are overly reactive, overly dramatic, or overly emotional. Their lack of understanding and recognition of other people's needs makes their connection unsafe for the emotionally available person. Seeing and understanding what they make other people feel with their reactions, actions and certain lack of actions is not something they want to do. Because of this, one can feel not heard and alone in a relationship. When the other one takes the blame on themselves for certain things, this person points at people from their past to justify their bad behaviour. It's never their own fault. The other person loved all the things others might have hated in this person. When one allows oneself to feel so many emotions, moving on comes with grief and sadness, but it will rarely include regret for these reasons. They might regret something though, and that is not having decided to bring their relationship to a complete state earlier after every specific form of disrespect happened once, without allowing the other person to repeat it twice, or more. Life moves so fast. Only humans are aware of this precious awareness that might possess one of the purposes of cherishing what we have, yet humans are the only ones exploiting it to end up harming others and themselves. As long as you do not take part in taking moments and people for granted, you do not have a reason to lose your optimistic side. Out of the lessons that you learn from your connections, the people you will meet will only get better. You have a good heart, so it is your duty to remind yourself of the good you deserve. You might not be able to control who comes and passes in your life, but it is in your hands to keep those that are good for you. And if we had the choice to control who comes and goes out of our life, we wouldn't grow through our human experiences. Allow yourself to feel every bit of what happened to you, and allow yourself also to feel every bit of what you let yourself happen. At the end, the anger must flow out of your body. Writing, walking, drawing, talking, growing flowers, ... In any form. And then let go. Days, months, years, ... they are cycles in which humans find themselves. So are experiences. Allow yourself to the human cycle of starting with sincerity, being brought down by the dark nature of humans, and then having the duty to stand up again. You are part of a cycle that must come out changed. You can not choose to stay the same, it will only go against the laws of nature.
May your love for yourself be the shield against those who take you for granted.
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